BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Residents across Whatcom County were caught off guard Tuesday morning after a series of entirely unverified rumors claimed Vice President JD Vance and Donald Trump Jr. would be arriving for a whirlwind public relations tour centered around one ambitious question:

"What if we built an absolutely enormous data center next to... well... somewhere?"

According to sources described only as "a guy standing outside Woods Coffee who seemed pretty confident," the pair plan to visit downtown Bellingham before heading north to Lynden to meet with local business leaders, construction companies, and "at least one wealthy landowner who owns suspiciously large amounts of farmland."

Officials allegedly involved with the project say the proposed facility would be capable of supporting "millions of AI-generated comments arguing about zipper merges, property taxes, and whether Bellingham has changed since 1997."

The visit is also rumored to include stops at several iconic Whatcom County locations.

One itinerary obtained from someone claiming to have "seen a clipboard" includes:

A five-minute discussion about roundabouts that somehow lasts two hours.

An emergency briefing on why every road construction project in Bellingham appears to happen simultaneously.

A ceremonial coffee tasting in which both visitors accidentally spend $23.

A classified meeting to determine whether Costco's parking lot is legally considered a traffic ecosystem.

Local construction firms are reportedly competing for the project by showcasing innovative building techniques, including "pouring concrete while it rains," a method experts say has worked surprisingly well for decades.

Meanwhile, Lynden officials are said to be preparing for the visit by pressure-washing every tractor in a 15-mile radius and reminding residents that, regardless of political affiliation, everyone is expected to wave politely.

The rumored data center itself would reportedly consume enough electricity to power Whatcom County's annual collection of Reddit arguments while generating enough heat to finally make February feel like April.

When asked why Bellingham was chosen over Seattle, one anonymous "advisor" allegedly replied, "Because someone told us there's a building permit available, and we honestly didn't believe them."

Residents have already begun speculating about the economic impact.

Some hope the facility could bring hundreds of high-paying technology jobs to the county. Others simply hope someone fixes Meridian Street before another major project is announced.

One Fairhaven resident expressed cautious optimism.

"If they're bringing federal officials, billionaires, AI servers, and construction companies all at once, maybe they can finally synchronize the traffic lights."

As of publication, neither the White House, Donald Trump Jr., Whatcom County officials, nor literally anyone else had confirmed that any part of this story exists outside the imagination of whoever started the rumor.