BELLINGHAM, WA — Following yet another weekend in which every gallon of milk disappeared less than an hour after opening, Costco executives announced plans to construct a fully operational dairy farm adjacent to the Bellingham warehouse in an effort to keep up with what officials described as “unprecedented cross-border dairy demand.”

The proposal would reportedly involve purchasing several acres of land neighboring the Costco, with company representatives expressing confidence that “someone at City Hall will figure out how to rezone it.”

According to internal estimates obtained by Bellingham Today, the average Canadian shopper purchases approximately 14 gallons of milk, three shopping carts of groceries, and enough gasoline to make Petro-Canada executives question their career choices.

“We thought there’d be more,” Surrey resident Raj Patel reportedly said while loading his fourteenth gallon of milk into the back of his SUV. “Guess we’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Costco employees say the dairy aisle resembles a Black Friday sale.

“At 9:03, everything’s normal. By 9:47, the only thing left is oat milk”

Warehouse managers considered imposing a five-gallon purchase limit before abandoning the idea after realizing it would likely require hiring additional security.

Instead, Costco unveiled a more ambitious solution.

Plans call for construction of an on-site dairy farm featuring dozens of cows connected to a state-of-the-art automated milking system. Fresh milk would travel through a network of pipes running directly into the warehouse, where shoppers could fill reusable jugs from self-service “milk taps,” similar to filling a growler at a brewery.

“It’s farm-to-cart in 30 seconds,” a spokesperson explained. “We’ve cut out the middleman!”

Early concepts include a dedicated premium "2% Express Lane” capable of filling a five-gallon container in under twenty seconds.

The project is expected to face minimal resistance after city officials reportedly indicated the neighboring protected areas could be redesignated as a “Strategic Dairy Preservation Zone” before being sold to the highest bidder sometime next week.

Environmental groups criticized the proposal, while city leaders praised it as “a balanced compromise between conservation and wholesale milk distribution.”

Costco confirmed it is considering a second phase that would connect the dairy farm directly to the gas station, allowing Canadian shoppers to leave with a full tank and 14 gallons of milk without ever exiting their vehicle.

Company officials estimate the investment will delay the depletion of the dairy section until approximately 10:58 a.m.