BELLINGHAM, Wash. — State and local officials broke ground Monday on what engineers are calling the most ambitious transportation project in Washington history: a roundabout so large it will reportedly require its own ZIP code.

The project, tentatively named the Whatcom Circular Mobility Initiative, aims to solve decades of congestion while giving drivers "more opportunities to reconsider every life decision that brought them here."

According to preliminary plans leaked by someone who definitely wasn't supposed to have them, the roundabout will feature:

  • 14 entrances
  • 14 exits
  • Two scenic overlooks
  • A visitor center
  • A coffee stand in the center island
  • An emergency therapist for first-time users

Transportation officials insist the design is intuitive.

"If you miss your exit, you'll simply have another opportunity approximately eleven minutes later."

Project engineers estimate the completed circle will be visible from space and may briefly qualify as Washington's largest freshwater lake during heavy rainfall.

The construction timeline is expected to last between three years and the eventual heat death of the universe, depending on permitting.

Local residents offered mixed reactions.

"I've lived here my whole life," said one Bellingham driver while unknowingly completing his fourth lap around an existing roundabout. "I still panic every time I see one."

Meanwhile, Lynden officials expressed cautious optimism that the project would redirect at least some of Bellingham's traffic north, where it can become "someone else's problem."

The Washington State Department of Transportation defended the proposal.

"Studies show roundabouts reduce serious collisions. They also significantly increase the number of people saying, 'Wait... was that my exit?'"

To prepare residents, officials will begin hosting free educational workshops titled "It's Just a Circle, Greg."

The classes will cover advanced topics including:

  • Using a turn signal before entering a roundabout (optional, apparently).
  • Why stopping in the middle is generally discouraged.
  • Accepting that the GPS is also confused.
  • Making peace with taking an extra lap.

Not everyone is convinced.

An anonymous civil engineer, speaking under condition of anonymity because he still works on the project, admitted the design may have become "slightly more ambitious" than originally intended.

"It started as a normal two-lane roundabout," he explained. "Then someone asked if we could fit a Chick-fil-A, Costco gas station, and bike trail in the middle. After that... things escalated."

At press time, the project had already fallen six months behind schedule after contractors accidentally built a second, smaller roundabout inside the first one.