BELLINGHAM, Wash. — Less than a week after crews continued work on the Interstate 5 salmon passage project, state and local officials announced plans for an even more ambitious conservation effort: the nation’s first underwater roundabout designed exclusively for migrating salmon.

Officials say the project will be constructed beneath downtown Bellingham “just in case the fish decide to explore.”

“This is about planning for the future,” one WSDOT engineer explained while unveiling a blueprint consisting almost entirely of concentric circles.

“If the salmon ever need to visit downtown, we want them to do it safely.”

The proposed Aquatic Circular Mobility Hub will include:

  • Four underwater entrances
  • Six exits leading to “future habitat opportunities”
  • A spawning lane
  • A dedicated lane for confused trout
  • Emergency seaweed pull-offs
  • Interpretive signage that only fish can read

According to preliminary environmental studies, salmon approaching the roundabout will be required to yield to fish already circulating inside.

Transportation officials estimate the average salmon will complete between three and fourteen laps before realizing they missed their exit.

To help, underwater signs will simply read:

“Oops? Just Go Around Again.”

Construction is expected to cost approximately $417 million, though officials stressed the number could increase after discovering additional “emotionally significant puddles.”

The project will require the temporary closure of:

  • Two lanes of I-5.
  • Railroad Avenue.
  • Cornwall Avenue.
  • A road that wasn’t even near the project.
  • Whatever route Google Maps recommends.

Local residents reacted with cautious optimism.

“I support protecting salmon,” said one commuter while watching construction equipment block his third alternate route.

“But if I get stuck behind a school of fish doing 15 under the current, I’m gonna lose it.”

Meanwhile, biologists admitted they were slightly confused.

“We’ve studied Pacific salmon for decades,” one fisheries expert said.

“They’ve never once asked for a roundabout.”

WSDOT officials responded by announcing a six-year feasibility study to determine whether the salmon were simply “too shy to mention it.”

To prepare local wildlife, the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife plans to offer free educational seminars covering:

  • Proper roundabout etiquette.
  • Looking both upstream and downstream.
  • Why stopping in the middle helps nobody.
  • How to signal before changing currents.

The city also unveiled concept art showing hundreds of salmon politely taking turns while one aggressive steelhead ignores every rule and cuts across all four lanes.

“It’s surprisingly realistic,” one engineer admitted.

At press time, construction had already fallen eight months behind schedule after inspectors discovered the roundabout needed a second, smaller salmon roundabout inside the first one to improve underwater traffic flow.

Editor’s Note: This article is satire. No salmon have requested a roundabout, although one trout reportedly asked if there would be a coffee stand in the middle. 🐟